NASCAR… so this is really how you wish to spend your afternoon. Whether you’re attending, watching on TV or even participating, wow! What a waste. There’s just so much wrong with this aside from the fact that someone called it a sport.

Before I really rip into this sport, allow me to list the pros of it:

1. The cars are really fast.
2. Hot chicks tend to go to the events.
3. They probably throw some of their money back into some charity or beneficial thing.

I really struggled to make that “list.”

Now, I know I am not the most talented or athletic person in the world, but NASCAR is a joke. Remember answering the question of ”What sports did you play when you were growing up?” and someone gave you grief when baseball was one of your answers? “Even my grandmother played basebal!” FUCK YOU! My grandmother STILL drives. Beat that, NASCAR fan. Seriously, the drivers license test is probably more difficult than becoming a contender in this sport. If you’ve got enough money to buy a fund a fast car, you win!

Brings me to my next point. It’s the weekend, you wanna relax, have fun, maybe enjoy a frosty beverage of your choice. The last thing I wanna do is think about work, or be reminded of how shitty traffic was all week because some ass decided to begin construction on every major highway on your path home. He even decided to fix the potholes on that backroad you like to sneak off to when traffic gets really backed up. Unless I’m driving to a party, bar or to pick up a girl (who is clearly having a shitty day because she’s spending time with me), I really don’t care to sit in my car or think about being in my car.

And these guys do it for hours. Even guys in motocross or go-kart races limit their lap numbers to something realistic. 500 laps? How far into that 8th bottle of Uncle Jebs moonshine were you when you came up with that number? Clearly this decision was made after you laid out the course. No drunk man could come up with that smooth of an course. Nothing in there to throw you off. God forbid you went right once. Maybe flip a coin before the race. “Okay gentlemen, heads is clockwise, tails is counter-clockwise. Call it in there air.” That might mess with the drivers’ heads though. They’re already too busy concentrating on getting that pedal to the floor faster than the other guy.

Shit is pretty compex!

So why does this really concern me? Who cares if people sit in front of their TV watching something dumb like NASCAR when such horrible things like MTV are still up and running. So what if people tailgate this race. I like tailgating. I like beer. I like BBQ. I like women. All sounds good, right? You know you wanna go tailgate the next event even though it’s months until they hit your neck of the woods.

Well here is a pretty simple reason. Wasting gasoline! These guys are driving 850 horsepower engines and pumping some insanely high-octane fuel. My car might have a quarter of that power. In once race, “nearly 5,000 gallons of racing gasoline will be consumed during a four-hour span”at a rate of about $6 per gallon. This doesn’t even include the amount of fuel they use during practice and getting their stock-car beauty there.

Aside from the 50 cars that will compete in each race, we’ve got 200,000 fans that will drive nearly half-way across the United States to attend this event that they could have sat on their couch to watch. NASCAR spokespeople and even fuel suppliers claim that these races don’t use enough fuel to damage the environment, and that the SUV driven back and forth to work everyday does more damage. I’m not arguing the less of two evils. Both are opperated by assholes if you ask me. I asked me. So yeah, I’m sure that these 50 cars burning 5,000 gallons in four hours and 200,000 fans driving multiple states will having nothing to do with the increasing price of fuels.

I understand this is a southern past time, and it came of a great reason. Running moonshine. Awesome! But this is not a sport. What is exciting or interesting about 50 cars driving in a circle for four hours? The pit stop? I think that pit stop work is more of a challenge than the entire race. Have you ever changed a tire on the side of the highway? Next time you do, try getting it done in under a minute. Just try one tire in under a minute.

Shit, I wanna start my own competative tire changing league now. NASCAR has inspired me. I never would have thought that NASCAR would inspire me while writing this blog. But at the end of the day, it’s still a lame sport. Maybe a fun hobbie. I know kids that love drifintg, I find there is more skill involved in that. Quite dangerous as well. I can see myself sitting down to watch drifting some afternoon for an hour. Some wild interlooping course, never knowing which way you’ll have to turn and how fast you’ll need to be going to rip your back end out to make it around.

And also, please check out how the rap industry has gotten into NASCAR. This album is on my Christmas wishlist for sure!

This entry was posted on Thursday, December 6th, 2007 at 8:31 pm and is filed under I feel bad for you.... You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.